I’m not purposefully back soon I just have a thing.

I’m supposed to be cutting my social media screen time because there is such a thing as too much. Like it is HARD out there. And most people were very lovely about my 5 year cancer-free anniversary, but there’s always a few.

A few that felt the need to explain to me that I am not cancer free, I am only in a remission and only time will tell and ARE YOU REAKKY FUCKING SAYING THIS TO ME?! TODAY?!

Crazy. The worst was of course, a cancer doctor. You think I’m kidding when I say they hate me. I never kid about oncology. So it sucks that instead of just marinating in a day I was so forcefully promised would never ever come I have to sit down, sigh, and cry a few minutes.

Because I don’t think people are so stupid as to think I believe I could never get sick again. But, studies have shown that the odds of it being THAT lung cancer? The keytruda studies just aren’t showing it. On people like me- a me being someone with very little previous chemo and not given with chemo. The Keytruda super responders. Those lucky so and so’s who got palliative Keytruda for pain purposes only, and it ended up curing us. See, I thought it was a cute. Eh, it’s in the book. And immunotherapy people really aren’t referred to in terms of remission, it’s in terms of response (partial response, or PR, or complete response, or CR). Boring for you, but it’s more fun to watch me strip a doctor bare in front of a live social media audience. Because believe me when I say - a lot of them don’t know. They really don’t. And it is not good for patients. Or my patience.

Because if you think these idiots would go up to ANY other patient having a 5 year free if cancer celebration to give hope to others still fighting?

They wouldn’t. Stages 1-3c - are home free.

And it’s this sort of bullshit that keeps me from sitting down at an easel and painting fun and imaginative scenes. Until I can sit and not want to pinch oncology in the face, I advocate.

Which is why I wrote a book, which is what I was actually here about. I write in on Facebook and it seems good enough to paste here, so it goes like this:

Blah blah blah cutting to the end, so I said just release the damn kindle Seth. Just do it now.

And so he did, and the first typo is on page 2 and if you mention that he will cry.

But! The first two and a half chapters are in the previews and you can read them for free. You can see there are 18 chapters, and they are all either song titles or song lyrics. You can see the dedication I thought of instantly when Seth asked me to sit down and ponder it. Fine. I did say ‘this book is dedicated to me’ first, but I believe that’s only human.

So. Free preview Kindle peeps!

I will, somehow, survive this book. The irony is not lost on me that at times creating the book feels harder than living the things that made the book. Almost.

The Dead Girl's Guide to Terminal Cancer: A True Tale of Anxiety, Horror, & Hope by Eugenia Horan, Seth Horan is now on Kindle - and the first 2.5 chapters are the free sample. If I were smarter, I’d have a link right to it.

damn. No link 🫠

Anyway, you can see through the eyes of my patient portal exactly how this whole shitshow started.